The answer to every question you wanted to ask....

2003-06-10T17:31:00.000-07:00

Aw summer...no classes and lots of sleeping. Except for the occasional times when i have to work...Deposited some cash, installed subwoofer into car.. Planning on installing intake and the like... I can't wait for that mexican cruise. I better brush up on my spanish, it's been a while since i've used it. I hope the food is good. And hell yeah i'm going to drink, just after my parents go to sleep.. There are some clubs on the ship but i dunno how great it's going to be. Anyway, i'll post some more pictures here: I want to get some of the wildlife if i can...

2003-06-09T08:46:00.000-07:00

This is the first time i had a dream that i was kissing Sarah. Very wierd. Usually, i never had a dream about Sarah or anything. I don't know what it says. Anyway, things are really good with her. So i'm happy. We're close and if that's as close as i can be, than, i'll take it. But somehow, i'd like to see if things could happen. Only the future can tell me that. Anyway, my physics finals is coming up soon and i feel prepared. I went through all the old stuff and i think i can do it. Wish me luck.

2003-06-08T22:40:00.000-07:00

Done with that Bis 102 final...argh.. it was tough... I hope i passed, but i did do well for the most part. Why does everything have to be in some sort of haze. Like the girls i'm talking to, it's like i'm confused how they feel and that makes me feel like a player, which i'm not. Nanette, Sarah, Becky, and now Courtney. Okay, Courtney has a boyfriend. I know that. I won't do anything, it'll be up to her. In which i don't like be the "other guy". It's okay to think about doing, but not actually doing. PHysics Final tomorrow! Last one of my life! I like the time i spent with Sarah, and i do still like her. I mean today, she's getting a better idea of what kind of guy i am when all the girls were telling her what kind of guy i am. It's wierd but i also like her in the way that if we were kids, i'd love to play with her and run around trees playing tag and stuff. I guess that's the only way i can express it.

2003-06-07T10:01:00.000-07:00

Okay, so i don't believe becky any more. Saying all that stuff that she wanted to come over, hah. She gets off on teasing. That's fine with me, i'm not going to get played but her any more. At least, things are settled between me and her. Kim is happier too, things are settled with her. But she's being all holier than thou, and she's proud of it. Always comparing herself to Jesus. For those who don't know, i had made some mistakes with kim and becky. No i didn't cheat or used them. More like i ditched becky when i shouldn't and i never apologized to kim. But those things are fixed now. Actually things are going good with them. If anyone has made any mistakes, they have. So my karmic status is still green. Funny how kim stops calling me after having a boyfriend, i think that pretty much says everything.

Lots of fun this summer. Natalie, Jon, Jess and Mike are going be up here this summer! And i'm going on a mexican cruise. I'm trying to tell my parents that i want my own room and that i'd pay for it myself too. Not that i'd even imagining bringing someone back to my place but you know... you never know what happens... It gets quite lonely on the ship you know...hehe..

2003-06-06T19:00:00.000-07:00

You know what's funny? Courtney is dating some guy who looks like me except, he's shorter, a little pudgier and jealous as hell. Pretty funny when i met him, but i guess that's how things go. Anyway, things are going good with Sarah. I'm glad things are going good, i told her that if she wanted to study physics, she could. I told her i'd call her on saturday to see how things went. I asked her if she wanted to hang out before the summer and she thought about it and she said she'll see, so we'll see how that goes. If not, eh, it's okay. That's what i tell myself, anyway. Man, am i dark! Serious, i'm going to apply more sunblock, but sometimes you can't avoid it! Eh, what will this summer hold for me?

2003-05-31T09:06:00.000-07:00

So my birthday was sort of a bust, i mean, i didn't do much, sarah was still mad at me and my best friend and i just stayed in and played video games. Lame, i know... Then on monday, i saw the US men's team play Wales... Fun game, really. Mike's friend/girl he's interested was there too. It seemed like i was charming her too. She always kept talking to me and touching my arm and looking at me when i'm not looking. Hopefully not, but it was kinda cute. SHe's a cute girl, very sweet and all but i can't do that to mike. Sort of an honor code. Pretty much, she'd have to initiate it. Anyway, fast forward to Wednesday, May 28th. So i see sarah, and i say to myself, why don't i just say hi, can't hurt can't it? And so i do, and she gives me a "oh, hey" type thing, so i'm walking to class and she follows me and asks me how i'm doing. Now, for people who don't know about the sarah thing. Sarah had to told me to stay out of her life and basically ignored me and hated me all this time. However, she started to talk to me now. Anyway, i thought, maybe it was a fluke. So on friday, after spending almost all day on my lab report on thursday, i get to class kinda late doing my quiz. I finish early, and i'm waiting for sarah to maybe say hi and stuff. But i meet michelle, a cool filipino girl in my physics class, we do talk a bit and stuff, don't know if she has a boyfriend or not. But, i did my share of flirting, kinda tapped her bare leg lightly with my leg. She then asked me if i wanted to go to the silo, which i did, but i went later, with guess who? Sarah. Wierd, since when do girls start asking me to hang out with them? Anyway, so I meet sarah after class, i'm just talking to her and she asks me, what i'm doing now, and she asks if i want to go somewhere and talk and stuff. So i said sure, and we go to the siule to hang out and talk and we do, and she tells me everything, i guess she's beend dying to tell me and stell me about how we are working things out. Now, i'm ok but i dunno how she is. We did talk about hanging out sometime, like going to the batting cages and doing that whole mulder and scully type thing from "the unnatural" x files episode, and we are goign to study some physics together too. Things seems to be good, even saw her again at the bookstore, for the first time ever again. Anyway, so she leaves to go to office hours and i'm having problems with my laptop excel program, and so i ask the girl next to me, how do you do this? SHe comes over and starts trying to figure out what i need to do. she had no clue how to do it but she still tried to do it. She finally suceeded but it was something i could have done (all i had to do was go to help =P). Anyway, she asks me how my npb101L class is, and i'm like, how'd you know and she was like, it's right there. So we're talking and stuff, and how young she looks but she's actually 26.. She looks freaking 17. Anyway, so i tell her that i have to miss class so i can do this report and she asks me do i have someone to take notes for me and i say yeah, but her notes aren't that great. And she says to me, well i take great notes, i can show them to you after class on monday, and i'm like cool, i'll meet you up. And she leaves but then she passes me by and i actually beat her to it and i ask her what her name is and she asks for mine. I dunno, does it sound like a pickup? You make the call, could be just a friendly thing. She's way too cute for me, maybe she has kids.. I dunno what nanette is up to she keeps playing with my head. Too shy but hey, it's not like we're together together. So i'm not sure if she likes me or not but it's ok. I'm just going to make it clear to her that we could date but i'm not ready for a boyfriend girlfriend thing just yet. I want to make more of an intellectual connection with her, cuz it's really lacking there.

Maybe george constanza was on to something... but i have to thank those who got me here, and a bunch of praying, and a birthday wish that came true...

2003-05-21T13:47:00.000-07:00

Well tomorrow natalie's taking me out to dinner and salsa dancing! Woo, yeah it's going to be fun. So much work to do this week, but i'm sure i'll get it done. Jon's going to help me work out since, well, i guess i need it. I have to plan out a lot of things... I figure that every feeling i want to do, i do the opposite of. That way, things will work out... it's the george constanza theory, and i think it'll work..

2003-05-20T15:36:00.001-07:00

Things have been getting better, i think ever since i've went back to try and fix all the wrongs in my past, things have been getter better, or so it seems. We'll have to wait and see. If things don't get better i don't care, i like how things are shaping up to be, or at least the possibility of it. I guess in some odd way, i thought that by reconciling with the people i've wronged, might be the best way for me for someone to reconcile with me, which i won't know until fall. If i can't apologize, make amends and learn what i did with the people i wronged, i shouldn't expect it back. So today, i took a nap after work, and i woke up with this wierd feeling, that things are going to be ok. And that, unlike a certain someone, i'm making peace with those i have been in conflict with. It took me a long time, but it happened soon enough before i graduate. I guess i'm sorta cleaning up my karmic place. Anyway, we can't really predict what the future will hold. I kinda hoped that Sarah, would do something for my birthday, since i did something for her birthday despite what is going on. I mean, i guess what i really want for my birthday, is to be friends again. But i guess what i should realistically hope for is maybe a card or something. We'll see. I doubt she remembers...I could make a big hint in class today.

2003-05-20T15:36:00.000-07:00

2003-05-12T20:54:00.000-07:00

Yeah, things have gone from worst to worst. It seems like every girl i'm interested in, or friends i used to have are fading away. It's been a horrible quarter, so far and i'm trying to stay positive as much as i can. It's hard tho. Let's go through the list, friends first. We know about Sarah, doing what i can so we can be friends again. Natalie, hasn't talked to me in forever, probably busy, but i fear the worst. Patti, is very busy and i can't seem to find any time to hang out with her. Girls i'm interested in talkign to, liza is not that talkative, nanette is busy or could be giving a polite sign that she's not interested in talking. Argh, I'm doing my best here, and i'm getting beat here. "Roll with the punches.." Sure, but i don't think i can stand on my own two feet any more. I'm thinking about all the times i've been there for these friends of mine i'm talking about. I could really use their help right now. But, i dunno if they'd help me out. Anyway, i've been complaining. I'm going to get something nice for kim, the least i can do, but i'm sure she'd like anything i get her. I'm going to stick it out as much as i can. I've taken worst than this. I'm not going to let it change me. I've always been there for people, who haven't been there for me. I'll be okay. I hope. I need to get out of the slump.

2003-05-12T11:03:00.000-07:00

Well, it's agreed that i should give Sarah some space, and we'll see what happens in the Fall. I can do that, but i hope it does work out. It's hard for me to walk away from a friendship of that long, easily. I don't think most people can. I'm hoping things get better by finals before the end of spring quarter. It would nice to have things back to what they were before, just friends. In other news, i met a cute girl name Nanette. She seems cool, and into Lord of the Rings. I still want to talk to her and get to know her, but it's hard with school in the way.

2003-04-20T15:02:00.000-07:00

Well, things have gotten bad to worse. Sarah and I are perhaps no longer friends. We'll see, if things are still okay. People tell me that things like these need a lot of time to cool off. I hope so. Right now, i'm just learning from my mistakes, said my apologies and wait if she forgives me.

2003-04-10T22:55:00.000-07:00

Okay, things are final. Me and Sarah are just friends, nothing i can do to change that. It's hard to move on, considering the time i spent knowing her and stuff. But we'll see, y'know? Anyway, the thing just went down tonight, we'll see the fallout tomorrow. Hopefully things turn out well.. If not, damn me.

2003-04-05T01:32:00.000-08:00

I haven't updated my blog forever. Things are going as they always have. No changes so far. I did date this girl kate. No big deal, didn't work out and i'm ok. I didn't like her as much as i like Sarah. But i always keep my options open tho. Anyway, work is good, saving up for intake for the car. Should be great. Then lights.

2003-03-09T17:11:00.000-08:00

In hindsight, i should have studied more. In fact, instead of writing this blog i should really concentrate on NPB. I'd like to write more about what's going on in my head but i guess i'm still hesistant. I wonder where all the thoughts, the feelings we have inside, that we want to say go? I look around and i wonder, if i did anything important here, was it important to someone, will it last? I don't know, i don't always make smart decisions. A lot of people can vouch for that. As it being the right decisions, well, only time can tell me that. But the one thing i do know is that i don't regret it. Which means, that i'm happy with my decision. That's a good sign.

2003-03-05T00:00:00.000-08:00

So I have my new digital camera. Which is way better than my old one and now i can do more with it. I can't be a professional photographer but i can be a better than average photographer. Good thing i know a bit about photoshop too. Thinking about one of these days and going out on my bike and taking a couple of snapshots. Find some good scenery or something. Then i'll upload it to a brand new webpage i'm working on..I decided i might as well try and broaden my creative horizons a bit. Things are going good with Sarah, she doesn't hate me. Natalie's been cool. Jess is fun to talk to. Things still suck. I don't know what do about things. I decided also, to not talk to Shirley. I'll leave it up to her to talk to me. I'm leaning towards into being strictly friends with her. I don't know what she's thinking. The line between friends and something more with Sarah, i hope is getting hazier. I dunno, i wish for the same thing for Jess. To me, i'd be lucky with either one. But still, nothing. It's fine, maybe it means something. But it still bugs me. Who knows. I've waited for Sarah for a long time, we'll see how that turns out.
Some good points. Jess likes my arms. And she digs guys with good arms. Wow, i feel really good about myself. Hmm I better keep working out. It looks like i'm living in the arbors. woohoo. It's not too bad. I like being alone. Mainly because being alone likes me. Ah well, i'm glad i can't predict the future. I'd hate knowing what was going to happen me. I rather not know and hope for the better. We'll see if that happens. I hope my luck can change for the better. Bleh

2003-02-22T00:35:00.000-08:00

Ah, it's been a while since i've post anything on this blog thingy. Anyway, my weekend's freed up! Sarah has to study this weekend, so i guess plans are pretty much shot. No problem. Natalie is going to let me know if there's party, sometime on saturday. Saw Daredevil. Girls are interesting to bring with to see action flicks with. I reccomend it. Maybe a couple more times snowboarding should help me finally get it down. Still have to get salsa dancing down too. And i just started fencing, when am i actually goign to finish that. There's a lot of things that i started, that i haven't finished. Maybe, i'll do some EMT training while i'm at it too this summer. Definitely for sure, research, school, and the bookstore. EMT? i dunno. Eh, i'm sorta feeling low this weekend. I'll be okay in time. Girl problems are certainly the root of it but i'll be alright later. Anyway, time to sleep... I'll write more later. just now i'm not feeling exactly esctatic.

2003-02-16T15:37:00.000-08:00

The social dance type fundraiser thing was fun, thanks to my girls Jess, Rae and Michaela. Fun bunch of girls. Too bad a lot of guys are missing out on them. Rae was fun to dance with and she was a blast to have around. Michaela danced really well. Taught me a couple of moves. Jess is willing to do anyhtign and have fun. Plus she looks good doing it. Yup and i got Mike to get the nerve to take some risks with the girl he likes. From what i say it looks like things progress well. When the time, comes i'll teach mike some salsa moves. But yeah, he was really happy how things turned out. From what mike told me, the girls also liked my leather jacket. Awww...talking behind my back, but complimenting me? I wonder why they won't tell me that to my face. Is it possibly that i might get a swell head? Possibility? more like i would have gotten a swell head from it. Studying's going good, all i can do is read as much as i can, review all my notes, remember some key processes and do well on the test. Wish me luck. Snowboarding on monday! I can't wait till next week. I get my paycheck and that means it's money for me to spend...

2003-02-14T23:57:00.000-08:00

Well, sarah couldn't make it this weekend, so i'm sorta bummed. But she has a midterm on tuesday, as so do I. Anyway, so i found this out when i came by to surprise her for valentine's day. She was THRILLED to see me, and i really took that as a good sign. She liked the box of chocolates so that can't be a bad sign because if she doesn't like it, she'll be like okay, whatever, but she was really glad to hear me call her and see her so i don't care if we can't go out this weekend. Usually when a girl doesn't explain why she can't make it a certain weekend, she'll be vague and that's not a good sign. However, she went into detail why she can't make it so i was pretty happy. Anyway, I've been watching "Unfaithful" with Richard Gere and Diane Lane. I've downloaded it and it comes in 3 parts. i've seen the 1st and 2nd ones, now i'm just waiting for the 3rd one to finish downloading. So much emotions is wrapped into that movie that's it's really intense. I think it's good because it trains your emotions and be able to focus your emotions is a very hard thing to do. Sunday, i'm skiing!!! woo, or is it monday. In either case, i'm going to have some fun. Plus, thanks to my bud Mike, i'm going to some dance type thing at freeborn. Yeah, i think i'm ready for the test, but i just need to brush up on some details and whatnot. On a weird note, i find myself identifying more with the cheater than the cheated. Why is that? well because in most of my relationships, the girl i'm dating hasn't completely severed emotional ties with the person they dated. So, in my mind and in hindsight, things felt more like lust. Yeah, i'm not completely sex-crazed like that guy in the movie. However, i still identified with the cheated. Is that wierd or what? I wonder if my knack of salsa dancing will help this saturday night. Anyway, i should start looking for what to wear, and start studying up for the npb test on tuesday. So yeah, i'm eh, okay. Not great, but not bad either.

2003-02-11T18:01:00.000-08:00

I have a lot to do this week. I'm planning on asking Sarah out this weekend, to go out. Although, if she doesn't it's okay. I have to study for my npb 101 midterm on tuesday so, i can use that time to just study. I'm still having trouble find a place to live. Harris still needs to introduce me to that girl in NPB. I want to ask her out but i really don't know her that well. So it's kinda hard. I think i might just sit next to her and try to get to know her a bit. But first, i need Harris to do some recon work to see if she's available and what she thinks of me. I think i'll get rejected anyways, so it's no biggie if she says no. Oh, and i'm still wondering about getting that tv adapter for the computer.. it's pretty cheap on best buy. And i get my paycheck tomorrow! woohoo. These new shoes i bought feel good, and i like them. Anyway, time to check on my chicken au gratin rice. this new food budget thing is good... i like it.

2003-02-09T04:15:00.000-08:00

Hey, i just got a new cellphone! Not that I'd get any calls or anything but it does come in handy, sometimes. I just recieved some advice from a girl who says she can see disaster about to happen. Like i keep getting my hopes up about Sarah, then if things don't go well, I'l be crushed. However, i don't mind being crushed if that's the result of taking a chance. She did make some valid concerns and i know that right now, i'm too hopeful to see things realistically. But i feel that i should take that risk, wait and see how things go. Of course, i'm keeping my options open and i'm going to date other people, which i have. Plus, like i probably said before, there's not many people she can depend on, and i'm one of them. I remember telling her goodbye, after telling how i feel and that if she'd changed her mind, i'd be here. She asked me, if we could stay friends. And i made a promise to her that i would. In some ways, it was pretty selfish of her to do that but i thought there could be something..Anyway, i wouldn't talk about this if i wasn't bothered about this.

2003-02-06T12:48:00.000-08:00

Everything went well yesterday. She was surprised that i even remembered her birthday, and she thought it was really, really sweet. However, her birthday was the day before (doh), and i got her something she already has (doh, again). But I'm just going to get that exchanged for a dvd, so that'll be okay. I told her that i wanted to take her out and so she said we could go out this weekend. Anyway, it seems like she's willing to spend more and more time with me, which can't be a bad thing. But who knows. Anyway, i can't argue with the way things are going so I'll be fine. I'm just enjoying how things are going, and that's all i can do, really. Who knows what might happen.
Work is tiring, but i worked a whole lot more this and a lot more next week. Reading is pretty much not too bad and my notes are good. I have to read a lot of bis 101 this weekend, but i can and it's stuff i know. Saw Juliet Betro at the Chocolat. She's really cool, i think i'll stop by there more often. Asitha and Tony came by but i was too busy with hw. Lots of SI peeps here, and that's cool. Anyway, it's sunny and nice. Time to get some food before Tony drops me to class.

2003-02-04T22:48:00.000-08:00

Sarah's birthday is tomorrow! argh! i'm stressed, i gotta wrap the gifts, then write the card and get her the cake.. I should be okay, but i wonder if everything's goign to go well. I just hope she comes home from physics like she's supposed to. Or else it's going to ruin all of my plans. Anyway, i'm sorta getting all anxious and stuff. I'm preparing myself for the worst, or a huge letdown. Hmm, well i guess we'll see tomorrow, right? The clock ticks down.

2003-02-02T02:28:00.000-08:00

Whoa, first sarah CALLS me first then we go out to see a movie? Totally not her, and she has a good time? We talk longer on the phone (an hour compared to ten minutes). Anyway, so i come over and we watch a clip of david duchovny in "Life with bonnie", because it's funny. And we just talk about the columbia and how said that was. So after that, we head to the movie theatre, where of course, we buy our own tix. She almost lets me by her some candy from the place but i decided not to. Anyway, we're waiting for the movie to start and she's telling me all these things from the LOTR book. And i guess by my look, she asks if i read the books and i responded no. Oh, and she was telling me that she thought i was the huge LOTR fan. (Maybe this whole LOTR thing is to get me to like her, when i did it to get her to like me). Anyway, it's okay tho since we still talk about it after the movie. This can't be a bad thing, and as long as i stick with it, things could progress. But we'll see.She even wants to go to New Mexico with me. She was asking things like, how she can't miss a class or something but she's totally into doing that. Things look good, so as long as that's happening, i'm happy. Can't really complain. But we'll see what happens on wednesday, when i surprise her for her birthday. Anyway, things are good and that's cool. Time to sleep.

2003-01-31T23:05:00.000-08:00

I got on a B- on my npb midterm? fuck that.. i guess i'm not vegging out this weekend. Hmm anyway, things are going good. I just need some sleep, and i'll be fine tomorrow.. But first some food... I'm always scrounging for food.... That's me tho.. always hungry..

2003-01-31T04:27:00.000-08:00

I know it's early but i since i drank that frappaciano, i'm up early i guess. I guess i'll write something before i have to wake up in 2 hours to go to class...SO i think i did well on my BIS 101 midterm. Which is good, and i'm not to worried since i know the layout of the testing. The concepts aren't too bad just poorly explained. I think i'll start working out again. I'll ask eric if he wants any company when he's working out. Or I'll just work out at the gym here in sharps. MAn, i have a lot of things to do.I hope i can remember all of them. Gingko Biloba helps a lot. I've been able to focus more and my short term memory is much better than i thought. Although, it's an anti-coangulant which means that it infers with blood clotting so, i have to becareful not to cut myself or anything. It's not as bad as some blood thinners like ibuprofen, that works to reduce swelling by the same means but higher magnitude and frequency. Why the hell do i know all these stuff at 4:00am in the morning?!? Anyway, sleeping is soo boring, it feels like i'm studying since all i can do is just think about stuff from class like, mendel's five postulates in accordance with x-linked recessive genes heridatary. Then follow that up with comparing glyocitic skeletal metabolism with creatine metabolism...which is more efficient in the long run? Argh.. i'm going to veg out this weekend...i really need it.

2003-01-29T19:03:00.000-08:00

Feeling good and got some questions down. Maybe I'll be ready for my midterm, maybe not. But i am doing some work and if i do well on the practice midterm, i should do fine... I think most people in class is lost, and i'm not one of them, usually. So i think if the curve is generous, i think i'll be alright. I Have a decent amount of time to study...so, i should be good.

2003-01-28T23:18:00.000-08:00

Anyway, it's getting closer to that midterm! argh! the questions are easy and i'm absorbing a lot in class. So i'm not worried too much. Really cute girl in BIS 101, i wish i talked to her more. Maybe i'll do my dizzle again.. haha... that one is for you eric..

2003-01-27T19:50:00.000-08:00

Yeah, so my mouse, milo died. He was such a good mouse. I feel real bad, i didn't see him go for the last time. It's hard not to feell attached but i am. Just took my npb midterm, today, i think i did well. Other than that, i'm tired. I'd type more but i really don't have time since i have to go tutor someone.. Be back later.

2003-01-25T02:33:00.000-08:00

So it's late! I can't worry about girls right now. Jeanine's coming over for NPB 101...How do i look all smart without betraying my cool exterior? Anyway, I got laughed at for emptying my beer.. It's not my thing, getting drunk and whatnot. I don't know why i couldn't like being drunk and throwing up. It's not like i'm opposed to drinking, it just doesn't taste that good. I know i'm being used as a booze buyer, but it's cool. I still want to be with Sarah, but she'll have to make that decision. Even though being friends is great, and in the long run, it's better than a relationship, i'd like to try it, just once. But being friends is good, she said she wanted something that would last longer. Can i show her that a good relationship could last long? I dunno, but i should just appreciate my good fortune. Don't wanna ruin anything. I finally decided what to get Sarah. It's cute, it's perfect and i'm sure she'd love it. Anyway, it's getting late and i think jeanine will get mad if we don't study together tomorrow. Ugh. I wonder if shirley blew me off. Still have til march 21, to see if that's true. If it is, i understand.

2003-01-23T20:24:00.000-08:00

So tired to write some stuff today but i'll crank out some thoughts. Sarah planned on going to see LOTR:Two Towers, after her finals and mine..Sounds good to me. And plus, i figured out what to get her. I think, something X file-ish and then something LOTR-ish. I want something fun for her. Also, i memorized her favorite quote and on her birthday, i'm going to recite it from memory. Although, how does one simply slip that in? I mean, it's something that's meaningful but i don't want to freak her out. Anyway, if i just say it nonchalantly, it'll be okay. Damn her roommate, she's mean. Now she knows Sarah's birthday, and me remembering won't be that special at all. Eh, it's ok.

2003-01-22T00:48:00.000-08:00

Ah, damn, things didn't go well as i planned. Shirley needs to work some things out and all i can do is offer my support. Things with Sarah are good but i'm pretty busy to even call her at all. I have a lot of studying to do and not enough time to do it. It's true, things did screw up. But it's nothing new, i'm pretty used to it. However, i did call that before this even happen so that's okay. Things for natalie is goign good. I hope things work out for her. She's dealing with some stuff, stuff i wish i can help her with. But she'll be fine, she's a strong girl. Anyway, this is normal. Things go bad, i get over it, and then things might go good, the cycle repeats.

2003-01-20T15:38:00.000-08:00

When it rains, it pours! Seriously, things have shot way back up from slumpage. Things with me and sarah are good again, we're talking and that's all i really wanted. Shirley is a new girl that i met, and she's way cool. She's funny and she loves ER, which is way cool. We talk and we have a lot in common too. And i'm getting huge responses from emode.com. Very wierd. Anyway, once i say that things are getting better, things get screwed up. But as of now, things are looking okay. I don't know what looms in the horizon, either clear skies or stormy weather, but at least, as of right now, things are looking pretty okay.

2003-01-18T11:28:00.000-08:00

Ah, just woke up and thought to myself, why don't i write in online journal? I'm feeling good except for this cold and i feel like i can do a lot of studying today, and i'm cool with that. Oh yeah, I have to go to visit my boss of almost three years, she's leaving and we're throwing her a goodbye party. This cold makes you feel all wierd, like i don't feel like myself but that's okay. I'm feeling different, and it's like I'm seeing things differently as well. It's a wierd feeling because it feels like i went back in time, and i'm being all nostalgic. But i'm good, overall. Jessica showed me this website on the group Paradigm. It's a pretty cool band and it's from stockton, the music is exactly what i like and they're coming to Davis i think the 6th at the G street pub, @10:00pm. I'm going to go but i find a way to get Jessica to go with me, she's not 21. But i could take Sarah with me, but since it's late and we have an early physics class with a quiz, i don't think she'll go. But it won't hurt to ask. Paradigm is also playing that night in sac. I don't know what to get her as well. Her roommate is wierd. I don't know what's up with her, she's very snobbish and i think sarah's being influenced in a way. But i decided i'm still going to be a good friend to Sarah, and that's all i can do. She can be selfish and closed off, but i don't think that's what she's doing. SHe's very busy and i understand. I'll be there if she wants me to be and i'll be going on doing my own things.

2003-01-17T10:09:00.000-08:00

Okay, now that i got a new layout, i think i'll start things fresh. One more thing, this is just my own thoughts and if you don't like it, you can express your opinion. You're entitled to your opinion, even on my own blog. So in giving you the respect to hear your opinion, you might allow me the same courtesy by being courteous to me as well. Oh be forewarned that i have a way of tracking those who sign my tagboard. I know that posts seem so selfish but i'm not here to pander to an audience but more importantly to myself. IF i did, wouldn't i say things or done things that would attribute to you, the reader of this blog? So that said, I will not going into an internal monologue worthy of an X file episode, or any such thing.
There are some things that were cleared up for me on friday. And i wonder, if any thing i did, actually has had an impact. Probably not. And the slump has been going deeper and deeper, but at least, it's without Kim. Things have been better and i've actually been having some really good dreams, not like before when she was in my life. I can't trust her any more, and when my trust is gone, so is that person. I've been lied to all the time, and it doesn't bother me as much as it bothers them, so in that aspect, i feel like things have evened out. I've taken quite an emotional beating for a while and i'm hoping for one day things will go my way. In other note, i've been a good friend to Natalie. She's doing better, and i hope i did all i can for her. She'd be a cool girl to date, but i'm not exactly her type. But that's okay. Being her friend, is just as good. And i wonder about Sarah. I know she doesn't like me because she is capable of being a nice person. I felt it from her before so i don't know what gives. Anyway, I don't know what to do next, but i need some time to think. And i need to sleep, i'm feeling a bit sick.

2003-01-17T09:18:00.000-08:00

testing , 1, 2,3

2003-01-12T16:23:00.000-08:00

Damn, the niners lost. But it wasn't too bad. I had some good wings tho. Mmmm, anyway classes are starting to get harder and little more annoying. And there's that research thing. It doesn't help that i have to work too. I wonder if sarah still wants to do that fencing thing. If not, it's cool, i'll keep at it on my own. I still rather do it with her, since it's fun for me that we both do it together. On thursday, i have to decide whether or not to fence with Sarah or go salsa dancing with fatima. I think sarah will be too tired on thursday, so i think salsa dancing with fatima seems more possible. I dunno, why i'm still in my slump. Anyway, i think getting out and doing stuff will help whatever that is ailing me. On a side note, i kinda thought about the type of person i am. If i could be a better person, shouldn't i try. I mean, i wouldn't want anyone to settle for a person like me so i should probably be a more worthwhile person. I'm not saying that i'm not a good person already just that i should be someone incredible, you know. Someone that would just take someone's breath away. It's not like i ask of this of the people i like, but i think i should raise myself to a higher level instead of puttering around doing nothing. It might sound confusing, trust me, it is but this is what i have been thinkign about for a while. I guess what i'm saying, is that if someone does settle for me, it's not settling but a step up (i sound arrogant i know but i swear i'm not.) I'm just confident.

2003-01-11T20:53:00.000-08:00

So i haven't been writing my blog at all. Mainly because i'm lazy. Actually more like, i've been busy juggling school, fencing, and certain girls. But ugh, one of them has been giving me a lot of trouble. Okay, so what exactly happened? Well, i stopped talking to kim, and kim's off with her boyfriend Ravi. So in a way, i'm totally alone. Well, not alone alone, i have natalie but she's not usually around. And Sarah's usually busy and stuff. I guess it's time to meet new people right? We'll see. I can't guarantee anything. By the way, i think i saw some i knew a long time ago in my childhood. She supposed to go to Cal Poly, so i don't think it's her. Might as well talk to her and find out for sure. Anyway, i'm happy on my own for part of the time. Someone told me that my luck is supposed to change. But is it? I usually don't believe in luck well, i have a few exceptions. Anyway, i should get back on top of studying. Tomorrow's the niner game. I'm in sort of feeling low right now, but that will soon pass, i hope.

2002-12-20T16:14:00.000-08:00

Rain, sun, rain, sun..San Francisco, weather, go figure. Damn, i did hella good on everything in ochem except for the final..I should have gotten a better grade but i guess i was distracted since i had physics and ochem on the same day. So i guess it kinda screwed me up a bit. But still, i had a B- going into the final! Argh....

2002-12-17T20:59:00.000-08:00

I can usually tell who signs my tagboard, but now i'm curious. Who would sign my tagboard as "ethereal being?" Hmmm, it's definitely not the usual suspect so i'd appreciate if you would make yourself known. Hmm, the plot thickens...

2002-12-16T23:00:00.000-08:00

Hmm, so i now, i realized that i put myself on some davis website. I have to let myself be open to other opportunities and not shut others out. I was at the brink of actually meeting some new people, but just circumstances makes things difficult. Take Renee, for example, things were going good, and it seemed to have some potential but i guess that was all in my head. She had to make a decision, difficult as it may be and she chose. You can guess what happened. But that's okay, i wouldn't want to break up something that worked in the past although i may feel i'm a better guy for her. Stepping aside, also means to deal with rejection you're feeling.

The 2nd girl, who was in my ochem lab last fall, came out of taking an ochem final and i was so close to asking her out but i thought that if i were to be rejected, i wouldn't feel that good to take the physics final. Anyway, i told her roommate, and her roommate told me she's single so maybe, there could be a possibility. But that means that when i see her in class, i'm definitely going to ask her out but i'm pretty sure she's not going to be interested in me that way. Or so i think. It's best to see things not too optimistically or else i'll feel let down. If it happens it'll be great but if not, i'm good and i'll move on. Anyway, home is sorta boring and i think i need to get back into shape. We'll see what transpires in the weeks to come. Ugh, just saw what i'm writing and it hella sucks. I gotta stay more focused at night...

2002-12-16T22:51:00.000-08:00

Sarah loved the gift i got her, actually. So it actually meant something to her...interesting. Well, it could be a good sign but what do i know? Anyway, for the first time, she invited me to her apartment to watch some tv, which is very unusual albeit good thing. It could be the start of something or the continuation of something else. During the week of finals, she gives me a call and tells me shot got me something for christmas. Of course she didn't wrap it or anything but i think she knows that i'm a good friend, and kind want to get me something. She did do some thinking and got me a card. It was better card this time. It was actually longer than usual. At the very least, we're really good friends and at the most, close friends. I'm willing to put in the work, as hard as it may be.

2002-12-04T20:32:00.000-08:00

Just got something for sarah, i think she'll love it. Wonder if she wants to get me something. Maybe? I dunno, probably not. But who knows? She seemed a little happier and little bit better. That's good, i didn't want her to feel shitty all week. Anyway, they extended my presentation even more so i don't have one till january, yay! I better get it ready this weekend, but first i have to deal with a paper.

2002-11-21T22:05:00.000-08:00

I got my confidence back! It's all thanks to good friends, good food and good rest. I'm glad i have Natalie to hang out with. She's been a really good friend and she's gotten me through some tough times even though she might not know it. I hope I did my best in helping her back in return. What's up for Roth this week? Writing the damn best paper in the world, creating the best research presentation this side of Davis, having a good time with Sarah, and just acing the rest of my classes. Anyway, no more drama for me. I think everything's going good and it's no use thinking that they aren't. Just missed a cool party with Natalie but i'll recover. We'll see what happens.

2002-11-13T12:06:00.000-08:00

Tonight's a dinner at kathmandu...I don't even know when it starts. Then it's a Harry potter friday with the bookstore coworkers. yay. Anything else new? Umm not really.

2002-11-11T12:42:00.000-08:00

I figured that my heart's bigger than my head. In other words, i'll do something rather than heed my own advice on what i should do. Not a healthy thing to do but somehow, it's too much of who i am to change quickly. Found out i got a draft due thursday. AHHH! I'm screwed! Sorta. Eh, still got a lot of thinking to do.

2002-11-11T02:43:00.000-08:00

I just got back from a party with Natalie. It was fun and i even drank a bit. I had four hours to sober up so it was okay when i drove back. I notice something that keeps occurring every single time. I'm always there to help others out but i never get anything back in return. For example, tonight i was looking for camille, one of the people who had my keys so i wouldn't drive home till a certain time. Which is around 1:00 am if you wanted to know. But yeah, so i was looking for camille and then i found some poor girl who looked so stressed and so wrecked that my heart just went out to her. So i talked to her and i tried to see if she wanted to talk or anyting. She talked to me for about an hour and a half. But she was feeling much better when i left so that's good. But i didn't have as much fun as some people at the party. I really don't feel like going to another party, if i'm not going to enjoy it as much as some people. Eh, what's wrong with me. Why do i have to do these things. I still haven't learned my lesson but in the long run, i guess it's okay. That's me anyway. Till next time.

2002-11-10T11:30:00.000-08:00

Woke up around 10:00...Getting ready to do some laundry, research and work on my paper. It's nice and rainy. I've gotten sick of the sun, so this is a nice change of weather. Having the rain, near my window while i listen to some music, doing some hw.. Pretty nice i think. Going to have to work this week, so i'm wondering what i'm going to do with that kind of money. Probably buy something for my bro, what's it going to be? Hmmm i don't know but supposedly i owe him.. So we'll see.

2002-11-10T00:49:00.000-08:00

So it's around 12:18, and i'm still up but i don't know how long i can stay up. I promised natalie that i'd haul her drunk ass if she needed me, so i'm holding myself to that. I owe her that much. I mean, i lost a bet and still haven't ran around DL screaming that i'm an alien. Anyway, sarah decided she's not ready to review some ochem, and she studies better on her own. I kinda expected that. But that's fine. I figure my friendship is a gift, you know? I'll be there for someone, and they don't have to give back anything in return. It's might sound masochistic but it's not. I don't enjoy feeling a bit disappointed but that's fine.....Natalie just imed me so, everything's fine. I could go to sleep but there's some things i want to get off my chest. Hmmm, maybe next time. Anyway, there's still a couple of weeks left in the quarter to spend with Sarah. All i can think is to wait and see what will happen. At every low point, there's an upswing, so i'm still waiting for one. Eh, i think i'll crash, too tired to go on

2002-11-08T20:13:00.000-08:00

I forgot to put up what i did for halloween. Basically, i dressed up as a army guy and helped out a kid's halloween party. It was fun and i helped out and the kids really liked me. Their parents even took pictures of their kids and me. It was a good experience to help out and mingle with some of the people there. Some cute girls helping out, i must say. But i wasn't really paying any attention. I had fun playing the games and stuff. We had games like pin the nose on the witch. We gave out candy. The parents had fun, because they didn't have to walk to many houses for halloween and they can be sure that the candy is okay and stuff. This year, i think we favored chocolate over sweets..Anyway, me and my bro drank some kahalua, fun times. And tomorrow, i'm going to review some ochem with sarah, maybe if she's free. We'll see...

2002-11-04T21:31:00.000-08:00

Good news, my research has decided that if i do a good job, i can work on my side project. It involves LP(a) which is sorta of a independ risk factor. That means, i can get published before i apply to med school. Which means, that it increases my chances. So i'm pretty psyched. But it all depends on my paper and if it gets published. So far, i think i'm on a good road to something great so i'm happy...

2002-11-03T22:42:00.000-08:00

Hmm, this weekend was a waste except for studying... Hmmm, i got some plans i think but I'm really expecting anything. Ah well, couple of more weeks to go and we're done here! I miss my mouse milo, I wanna go see him again. I hope my parents are feeding him right, especially since he's a gene knockout mouse. Ah well, he's a cute one and smart. I keep thinking he's in the cold and he's shivering at home but i'm sure he'll be fine. Anyway, I gotta concentrate on physics and more of my presentations. Leave messages up. I'll check them later.

2002-11-01T09:48:00.000-08:00

If you've waited all year for a girl, to know her, to understand her, and to be there, make sure there's a chance, even though you feel it, make sure. I've done that, and it hurts that after all that, i'm just as common to her as just a regular friend. Not even that much. We never do anything together. But i guess, i'm going to recover from that. It's going to take some time, but i will. Anyway, i'm going to go over to her house today to give back her notes and settle things. But as of now, i wish i met someone like sarah again. I can only hope, right? Anyway, leave nice messages up. Not in the mood for bad ones...=(

2002-10-27T22:19:00.000-08:00

I just wore my contact lenses, they look a little wierd but i'll get used to them. Let's see, i have a PBL presentation in my research group on wednesday. Then, I have that paper due on tuesday and another presentation due as well. Have to edit some papers on monday. Lots to do i guess, i haven't done anything this last weekend, partly because i felt a bit sick and stuff. But the good thing is that sarah, feels like doign something with me sometime. So i'm pretty happy. I don't know if that's goign to happen or anything but at least it was with good intentions. Might have fixed things with Kim, we'll see. And thus, Roth is left out being the most single guy in the apartment again! It's okay, i'll do something fun sometime, and if not, i'll work out. Gotta stay in shape for...um,...Sarah? mmm, maybe but if not here, no one....=(.....

2002-10-26T23:33:00.000-07:00

Wow, i've must've caught Sarah at a good time. She was pretty happy to hear from me and she did want to do some things with me. So that's cool, and sometimes you feel it in your gut. I could be wrong and i usually am. But yeah, maybe a movie? something? definitely, she wants to see me at least. That's good. Pretty long friendship we have, it's been almost a year. Actually longer than some of my romantic relationships. But oh well, color contacts are recieved! I wonder how they'd look? Hopefully cool. If not, oh well, i don't mind looking like a freak.

2002-10-26T15:12:00.000-07:00

I was reading over my posts and i was thinking, "what the hell i am saying?" hahaha. I'm angry at Kim, she called me while i was studying for two midterms after 10:00... I have every right to be mad. If i say, i'm sorta busy and i'm studying for two tests, that should be a hint that i don't want to be bothered. Anyway, that ruined my night on friday but oh well. This keeps happening all the time. Today's Game six for the giants, if they win (the series), natalie has to write a poem and read it to everyone in our group but if they lose the series, i have to go and run around and yell "i'm not an alien, i'm not an alien!" This is done in my physics lab...So if you wanna see something funny, you gotta come to my physics lab....This weekend is when i supposedly get my honey colored contacts.. so maybe you'll see my new look.

2002-10-21T23:44:00.000-07:00

So how'd the date go? pretty good, took out the RSX, wore the nice jacket and had a pretty good time. I rather be out with Sarah, but she's always busy and stuff, so that's why i don't ask. But Patti's fun to talk to, and she's bubbly all the time. Trust me, this is not how i wanted it to be. Anyway, damn ochem midterm coming up and physics quiz on the same day!

2002-10-18T16:36:00.000-07:00

Yup, i got a date tonight with Patti. Woohoo. Going to see "The Ring". A scary movie if you asked me, but that's what she wanted to see. Dang, I got a B- on my phys quiz. So close. I'll ace next week's :). AHHH! i got an ochem midterm next week. I'm screwed! I really gotta do well on this one. I guess i'm going to study as hard as I can, and see how i do. Milo still stinks but i recently found out that he can type! Research is sorta getting better, i'm working for free but i'm going to see if i can make some money at it. That is, if i do a good job. I'm not going to ask for it, i'm going to earn it. That might mean i can't work at the bookstore but i think i can find them a good substitute. Danielle wants to work there and she has experience too. She'll do a good job. Sarah? I like her
, but wierd as ever. Anyways, my research is calling for me
be back later.

2002-10-15T22:35:00.000-07:00

If you give a mouse an oatmeal cookie...I love my mouse, Milo although he stinks. Maybe i should stop feeding all that crap. But he's too cute! Dang it, i'm a big softie for animals..Anyways, i should be studying, but i can't seem to concentrate. I have a paper due soon too!. It's just a rough draft, but i have to figure out how to write it. Tomorrow i have a full day to do that, then at night i have to go and study with sarah and natalie. MAybe i should sleep early and then start writing my paper, early in the morning. But who knows really. Anyway, i couldn't find anyone to draw blood so i had my blood drawn instead. And i then i raced home on my bike...That's pretty hardcore. Met Kim's friend Juliet, she's cute in that mousey, quiet sort of way. I think that's all now... i'm going to get something to drink, later...

2002-10-13T22:01:00.000-07:00

"Hello everybody!" "Hi Roth!" Anyway, i decided to try this out, because it looks cool, and might be a quick and easy way for me to post what i'm feeling, who i'm thinking about, what i plan to do, yada yada. Anyway, right now, i'm sorta stressed, but hey, that's coo. I got research in atherosclerosis and i have the difficult job of find a person to draw blood. I mean, come on, who wants to get jabbed by a needle without any incentives besides knowing their cholesterol. I can stress heavily on how important it is but when it comes down to it, no really cares. That really bugs me but i'll find a way around it. And that'll be a good feeling when i do.